What is ‘crazy’?

The trees outside look like they are made of glass, with the warm gold sunrise light glowing through each branch.  Even in the winter landscape there is color.  The snow looks blue, the trees gold, and the sky is a mixture of both.  And me, i’m home, just finishing my first cup of coffee, on the third snow day we’ve had this week.

It’s very hard for me to write anymore.  I have, from college, entire notebooks full of writing and poems, so I know that at one point i was capable of writing about what I thought.  But now my thoughts are either too confused or too commonplace to seem worth writing down.  Like, why would i want a memory of something so dull?  Or maybe i’m afraid to write something down that I don’t really believe– all too easy with this mind that is at once so accepting of others ideas and forgiving of their stupidity.   Let me give an example.

There’s a young man at school who has for years talked to himself openly.  I’ve know him since he was in the first grade, and he has always been set apart, strange, and friendless.  He and I have had many conversations, and it seems that we have spoken about his ‘friends’, but I had just accepted that as part of who he is.  It didn’t even ring any warning bells.  So it took someone else to set off the alarm, that this boy might be schizophrenic, to get him to the doctor.  Now, though, things are worse, because the other kids are calling him crazy, and i think he has claimed he has a ‘plan’ to deal with the bullies.  So they’ve taken him out of school.

Maybe it is the culture of intolerance that makes people crazy.  I don’t know.  Between what i believe in my mind and what i ‘should’ think, i don’t know which end is up anymore.  I read somewhere that we never discover our own beliefs until we betray them.  I believe that people should be exactly who they are, and let no one else tell them who or what they should be.   And we do know who we are until someone tells us otherwise– then it takes a lifetime, if that is even long enough, to extricate ourselves from all those false beliefs.  Maybe it’s only when we get to heaven that we find out who we were supposed to be on earth.


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. phantom44
    Feb 03, 2011 @ 19:48:51

    In a perfect world everyone would be able to be exactly who they “are”. Unfortunately we have a very long way to go to be that perfect world. People build their own “security” by putting others down. Crazy doesn’t really have a definition in my book. It is in the eye of the beholder…..We react to our environment. My “job”, at least in part, is to make that environment flexible enough to not shut anyone out as far as it depends on me. On the other hand, I can do only so much. Don’t despair…..find the joy…..the Phantom…..


  2. llewcie
    Feb 03, 2011 @ 23:15:21

    Thanks, dad. It’s strange– God tells us to love each other, and that’s about the last thing we do. It must be the greatest commandment because it’s the hardest.


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